I always liked the Memphis Airport. My hat goes off the people there. 

When travelling overseas, one should be acutely aware of when that last bird leaves Detroit for overseas.  It doesn’t matter how many connections there are to get to it, the only things that matter are:

When does the Detroit Plane board, When does the connection BOARD, and how pitiful do I have to look to get this disaster fixed (the answer is pretty damn pitiful).

When they say the time of the flight, one should memorize it.  If one (me) decides to go for a smoke, then the correct time of Boarding should be known.  If one should mistake the takeoff time for the Boarding time, and show up 10 minutes early, then some one is screwed, because the DOORS ARE CLOSED.

Do not bother begging the lady that can open the door.  You should bribe her.  I always get that confused, it’s BRIBE the lady!!!! Otherwise she says, “I’m sorry, we went looking for you, you know your connection in Detroit is the last flight…”  Suddenly I know alot of things I didn’t a few minutes ago.

Did you know that of the Smoking related deaths and accidents last year,  that the cigarette poisons and related health issued only accounted for about 85% of the deaths.  The other 15% was the wives of the poor bastards that just HAD to have that cigarette….

Get the PATCH!, and hunker down.  Don’t try and smoke when your connection out of the country leaves within the next 16 hours.

I begged, man I begged.  I told the truth, “sir, that lady over on the side will kill me if you can’t help me make this right. I kid you not, I will need a police escort out of here if I can’t get to Detroit in less that 3 hours PLEEEAASSEEE help me.” 

Northwest Airlines really took care of us, and got us on the next flight to Detroit in time to catch that Overseas flight.  Thank you Northwest, and Memphis.